The Ultimate Hunger Games
by Untel21
Summary: Introducing the Ultimate Hunger Games, featuring: Darth Maul, Spongebob, Slenderman, the Joker, Jack Sparrow, and many more! With a line up like that, it's gotta be fun!
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Welcome to the Ultimate Hunger Games! The contestants are as follows: Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead, Justin Bieber, Slender Man, a Jedi named Bob, a Sith master by the name of Darth Maul, Jason from Friday the 13****th****, Spongebob, his trusty friend Patrick, the Joker, Bruce Banner AKA The Hulk, Jack Sparrow, and finally, Kenny from South Park. **

**And there you have it. Who do you think will win? Pick your favorite, and if you're right, you get...well, nothing. But it's fun anyway!**

INTRO:

Owls hooted. Crickets chirped. Trees rustled. The moon was full and bright, like a great eye amid the stars. It was a beautiful night, the type when you'd want to go out with your girlfriend and have a midnight picnic, or maybe just stand outside and gaze out at the stars, pondering the universe and its utter amazingness. But I wasn't destined for that. No. On this night, I was stuck with the freaking Boy Scouts.

I hated these turd-nuggets with a passion so deep, my dick couldn't reach the end of it. I often dreamt about unique ways to kill each and every one of them. John, I would enjoy watching him boiled alive. Fred, I would burn his balls off, then drop him into a pit full of alligators. Jimmy…well, I actually liked Jimmy. He was black. But Billy! My God, I would stab him so many times, he-

And that's when Billy opened his freaking mouth.

"I need to pee!" said Billy, in his trademark whiny voice.

"Shut up Billy!" I replied.

"But-"

"-EAT YOUR GODDAMN CHICKEN, Billy!" My God, I thought, that kid has the smallest bladder I'd ever seen. Frankly, it was embarrassing.

As Billy meekly ate his chicken, (That's right you little shit, eat that chicken…mmm) I turned my attention to the rest of my troop.

"Okay, listen up you nipple-suckers! It's time for the campfire story. Does anyone want to tell one?"

Even the crickets stopped making noise. Public speaking strikes again!

"The silence is deafening," I said, "Well, since no one else has a story, I guess you'll all have to suffer through another one of mine."

The kids groaned.

"I meant that as a joke."

They still didn't like it, but frankly, I didn't care what they thought. So I began my story.

"I know you all have read the hunger games in class," I began, "and yes, like you, I thought it was boring as hell. So, it's time to spice it up! Welcome, boys and…boys, to the ULTIMATE HUNGER GAMES!

CHAPTER 1:

In this very forest, a Hunger Games was held in complete secrecy to all but a few. The contestants were as follows: Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead, Justin Bieber, Slender Man, a Jedi named Bob, a Sith master by the name of Darth Maul, Jason from Friday the 13th, Spongebob, his trusty friend Patrick, the Joker, Bruce Banner AKA The Hulk, Jack Sparrow, and finally, Kenny from South Park.

With a roster like this, you know it's good.

Anyway, back to the forest. Never before had any man stepped foot in these woods. They were silent, save for the movement of small animals in the brush, and the wind rustling in the branches. Indeed, this was truly a peaceful spot.

But that all changed in an instant.

Suddenly, the ground began to shake. In 12 randomly picked spots in the forest, the ground opened up, and a man was thrown onto the ground. The holes quickly closed, and, one by one, the 12 men stood and took stock of their surroundings.

We'll begin our story with Daryl.

Daryl, with his shaggy hair and trusty crossbow, started walking. He was accustomed to the woods. After all, he'd practically been living in them ever since the zombie apocalypse began. But one thing was very different. This time, he was alone.

As Daryl walked through the forest, he wondered to himself, _what am I doing here? A few moments ago and I was with my friends, and now I'm here…It's probably that bastard Carl's fault. The little weasel never stayed in the damn house! _With Carl in mind, the redneck Daryl wandered the forest.

Suddenly, rustling in the bushes.

Daryl froze, expecting a zombie to pop out. He carefully raised his crossbow and took aim. A shaggy head rose out of the bushes. Daryl's hand closed around the trigger. He was about to fire when-

"WAIT!"

Daryl froze once again. Zombies couldn't talk…could they? The head rose completely out of the bushes. A frightened boy looked up at Daryl with pleading eyes. _Wait a second,_ he thought, _that hair…it looks a lot like…Carl._ Then, Daryl knew that he could never shoot this boy. He was no cold-blooded killer. He lowered his crossbow.

"Who are you?" said Daryl.

"My name's Justin. Justin Bieber."

"Beaver?"

"No, Bieber. Come on, everybody knows me."

Daryl shook his head. He'd never heard of this kid in his life.

"Do you know what we're doing here?"

"No, do you?"

"Not a clue."

"Well then, I guess we should-"

Suddenly, a booming voice reverberated through the forest through some kind of hidden speaker system.

In its deep voice, the announcer boomed, "Welcome, one and all, to the Ultimate Hunger Games! Twelve contestants from all over space and time have been brought together, for no other reason than my own enjoyment! Your goal: Kill everyone else in the arena. The last man standing will be allowed to live, and will be returned to his own time, unharmed. No lives, no weapons, other than the ones you have on you. But above all, let's just try and have some fun. So, without further ado, let us begin!"

The voice receded, leaving the woods deathly silent once again.

Justin and Daryl just stood there awkwardly for a moment. Then Justin broke the silence.

"So, you going to kill me now?"

Daryl stood silently. Justin started to sweat, almost wetting his pants in fear. _That crossbow looks really big and deadly,_ he thought. _He could just point and shoot, and that would be the end of it._ _I hope he doesn't rape me. That would be mean. But, I admit, I am irresistible, so I wouldn't blame him. I just hope he does it when I'm already dead._ All this went through Justin's head in seconds. Then Daryl came to a decision.

He turned and walked away, but not before yelling over his shoulder, "You better not slow me down."

"Is that a no? Is it?"

Daryl said nothing, confirming Justin's response. He excitedly chased after the Daryl as he walked away.

_This is great_, thought Justin, _a few seconds into the games, and already I have an ally! A potentially gay ally that wants to rape me, but an ally none the less!_


	2. Chapter 2

In another part of the arena, a strangely dressed man stumbled through the forest. He was extremely tan, with long hair and a black three-cornered hat. In one hand, he carried a sword, using it to cut through the jungle. In the other was a large bottle of rum. That accounted for the stumbling. At the same time, the man sang in a loud voice: "YO HO, YO HO, A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME!" Yes, this was definitely the one and only Captain Jack Sparrow.

Seemingly completely unafraid, Sparrow continued to hack through the forest. Unbeknownst to him, he was being watched. A shadowy figure flitted in between the trees, keeping the pirate in sight at all times.

Suddenly, Jack froze. He heard something. He lowered the bottle of rum from his lips, listening intently. His hand lowered to his waistband, where a loaded pistol was hidden.

Faster than even he thought possible, Jack drew and fired the gun. The lead ball whizzed through the air, straight at the spot where the mysterious man was hiding…but nothing happened. The lead ball had stopped in midair, hovering halfway between Jack and his target. Sparrow cocked his head to the side, not knowing what to make of the strange sight. A second passed, and the bullet crumbled to dust. Sparrow had just enough time to register this before an invisible force lifted him off his feet and sent him flying through the air! He slammed into a tree, and was pinned there with his feet not touching the ground. And there he stayed, unable to move.

Now, Jack Sparrow was not the type of person to be scared easily. After all, he was the master of the Caribbean, Captain of the Black Pearl, and arguably the best pirate the world has ever seen. He had never gotten into a situation he couldn't get out of, whether by skill or luck, it didn't matter. But this was different. This was something he had no defense for, something dark and powerful. And he, Captain Jack Sparrow, was at its mercy.

As Jack watched, the branches of the trees moved aside, seemingly on their own. He saw red eyes looking back at him from the shadows. In fact, it seemed as if the darkness gathered around this being. The shadows were black as night, forming an impenetrable fog around the creature.

Then it stepped into the light, and Sparrow was filled with a feeling he had never felt before: Terror, as he looked into the eyes of Darth Maul. Jack's eyes widened as Maul drew his light saber. Red blades of energy came into being, forming Maul's trademark double-bladed sword. With that, he stalked forward, twirling the saber effortlessly. The light from the weapon illuminated his features in all their ugly glory: An alien face, painted with swirling patterns of red and black, and horns jutting out of his skull. Additionally, he was dressed all in black and had the red eyes. This thing was pure evil, and Jack knew it.

The Dark Lord of the Sith grinned at the helpless pirate, anticipating his first kill. But Sparrow's silver tongue drew him up short.

"You don't want to be doing that, mate."

"Actually, I really do," said Maul in his raspy voice.

"Fine then, your loss…" said Sparrow, feigning indifference. The Sith Lord raises his light saber for the killing blow, but his curiosity got the better of him.

Exasperated, he said, "What? What could you possibly offer me?"

"Well, it's common sense really. When there's an enormously powerful and amazing being like yourself in a game like this, there's bound to be an equally powerful and amazing being somewhere else, just waiting for his chance to hunt you down and kill you."

The shadows around Maul deepened and his eyes glowed, saying, "You underestimate my power."

"Now, now, just calm your third nipple and listen. I believe that we would both be doing ourselves a service by joining in our mutual goal."

"What do you mean?"

"An alliance, my good friend. An alliance. You know, when two people agree not to kill each other, so they can kill everyone else a lot easier. Ring any bells? Or do those horns go straight through your brain?"

Sparrow, expecting Maul to be shocked and awed, was surprised and unnerved when he started…laughing, of all things.

"Hahaha! Dirty peasant, you are a funny one! You truly have no idea what I am capable of, do you?"

"Enlighten me."

"With pleasure." Maul raised his hand out in front of him and gathered his power. What Sparrow didn't know was that Maul, being a Sith Lord, was a master of mind control. All it would take was a fraction of his power, and Sparrow would be under his thrall in a heartbeat.

Maul reached out with an invisible mental probe, intent on latching on to Sparrow's mind. To his surprise, Sparrow's consciousness just seemed to…slip out of his invisible fingers. _That's odd_, he thought. He poured more energy into his mental attack, but Sparrow's mind was uncontrollable. After a while, he gave up.

"Why can't I control you like all my other bitches?" said Maul. It was then that he looked down, and noticed the bottle of rum that Sparrow dropped. He picked it up, examining it and sniffing the contents.

"Ah, that explains it. You sir, are drunk as any I've ever seen. No wonder your mind is so erratic."

"Well then, it seems we are at an impasse. You need me, and I need you."

"How do I know I can trust you?"

"Really? You're a tall-ass red and black alien-thing with horns and a glowing sword. I'm a meek human, no match for an all-powerful god like yourself. All I have is my brain, and that's all I need."

"Hm…very well."

The invisible force keeping Sparrow suspended suddenly disappeared, and he dropped to the ground.

Maul commented, "I'm a little worried that the drink has addled your mind."

"Actually in fact, I do better with it."

Sparrow turned, and walked right into a tree, slamming his head into the wood with a dull thump. Maul cringed.

Sparrow stood up, rubbing his head furiously and said, "DAMN IT GOD! STOP PUTTING TREES EVERWHERE, YOU BITCH! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT TODAY!

Sparrow started kicking the tree furiously, while yelling, "FUCK THIS TREE AND ALL IT'S FUCKING CHILDREN! I'M GONNA TEAR THIS BASTARD OUT OF THE GROUND AND SHOVE HIM UP THE ASS OF THE NEXT GODDAMN PERSON THAT TRIES TO FUCK WITH ME! THAT INCLUDES YOU, GOD! NEXT TIME YOU FUCK WITH ME, YOU'LL REGRET IT, I SWEAR TO-"

Suddenly, a lighting bolt lanced down from the clear blue sky, striking the ground right at Sparrow's feet.

"YOU MISSED! SUCK MY DICK, BITCH!"

Thunder rumbled. Sparrow and Maul shared a glance, hesitated, then dashed off into the forest as dozens more lightning bolts rained down in a hail of God's fury.


	3. Chapter 3

Daryl hacked his way through the dense forest, followed closely by Justin.

"Can you do anything useful?"

"Like what?"

"You tell me. What _can_ you do?"

"Uh…I can sing."

Daryl suddenly stopped, causing Bieber to almost run into him.

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life. Do you actually think _singing_ is going to help us here?"

"Well…no, I guess not."

"That's what I thought. Now give me something practical."

"Oh! I know!

"What?

"I can rap too! I'm pretty good at that."

Daryl just stared at him for a second, then reached out a hand and bitch-slapped the little wretch as hard as he could.

"Hey!"

Enraged, Daryl raised his hand again, about to Chris Brown the shit out of Justin. _You're gonna look ten times worse than Rihanna when I'm finished with you_, he thought.

Suddenly, Daryl froze. A strange noise graced his eardrums, so light that a normal person would never have noticed it. But Daryl had honed his senses over years of living off the land. But despite his knowledge, he couldn't place the sound. It sounded like a strange humming, unearthly and strange, almost like a giant metal hummingbird. An image of a giant hummingbird tearing Bieber apart graced his mind's eye, but was quickly dispelled as the noise got louder. Whatever it was, it was getting closer.

Without a word, Daryl started walking toward the source of the sound.

Bieber yelled after him, "Don't go towards the sound! What the hell are you thinking! Don't you want to finish beating me?"

His pleas not working on the stoic Daryl, Justin had no choice but to continue following as best he could. _Damn idiot_, he thought, _he's gonna get us both killed_. But he continued to follow like the bitch he was, pushing his long girly hair out of his eyes.

A while later, Daryl reached a small rise. He stealthily crouched, and slowly pushed the bushes to the side, allowing him a perfect view of the clearing below. But unfortunately, the clearing itself wasn't as perfect and peaceful as he had hoped.

Below him, a battle raged between two humans with glowing swords. One had been grievously wounded, with what appeared to be a pirate's curved sword sticking out of his side. Nevertheless, both men fought like demons, their swords spinning and twirling in a blur of light. That was the source of the sound he'd been hearing.

Then Daryl noticed a third figure, standing to the side. The man was carelessly reloading a pistol, while singing a hearty tune. He seemed completely at ease, content to watch the raging battle before him. Just then, Justin showed up, and Daryl's mood immediately went sour.

"I think we should let them kill each other," said the dumb bitch.

Daryl said nothing, watching intently.

The third combatant finished loading his pistol, took aim, and fired at the man with the sword in his side. The unfortunate swordsman desperately tried to block the bullet with his sword, but the lead ball went right through it. The man seemed so surprised by this, he did nothing as the second swordsman drove his weapon into his chest, ending his life.

"Now, what?" said Justin.

In answer, Daryl unslung his crossbow and loaded a bolt.

"What're you doing!"

"We have a chance to take out at least one of our competition. Who wouldn't take that opportunity?"

"Let's just go. If we leave now, we can get away without them noticing."

"Don't be a bitch."

With that, Daryl carefully took aim. He settled his sights on the wannabe pirate, and squeezed the trigger. The bolt flew as straight as a gay bird. That's right. Either the bolt was retarded, or God sent his winds to fuck everything up again. Either way, the bolt missed it's mark, and instead of nailing Jack Sparrow in the head, it slammed into his thigh. He fell with a surprised yell.

Quick as lightning, Maul turned and threw his light saber at the bushes at the top of the hill. Daryl ducked just in time. Justin wasn't as fast, and the spinning blade grazed his head, cutting a swath of hair off his head.

"My hair! My beautiful hair!" he cried and cried, trying desperately to reattach the burnt strands to his head, but to no avail.

"Come on, leave it!" yelled Daryl. He grabbed Justin's shirt and dragged him away.

Back in the clearing, Maul effortlessly caught his returning light saber. He turned to Sparrow, a dark grin on his face.

"Mr. Sparrow, it seems your usefulness has come to an end."

"I hope there's no bad feelings, mate."

"None at all."

Maul spun his light saber and with one fell stroke, removed Sparrow's head from his body. He even gave the body a few stabs for good measure. Sparrow had been _very_ annoying, after all. (See kids, that's what happens when you annoy grown-ups. They cut off your head and stab you repeatedly. Never say I didn't give you any practical advice.)

As Sparrow's body lay smoking, Maul turned toward the forest. _Now_, he thought, _it's time for real hunt to begin. _With that, he ran into the forest, giving chase to his mysterious attackers.


End file.
